Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How naked do you want me to be?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
