Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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