i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
