I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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