I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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