Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize