i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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