You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
