If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
