In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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