Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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