If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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