no, he came in my armpit
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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