I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
