Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
