Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
