In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
