when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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