Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize