I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
