Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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