i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
