his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize