i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
