Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
