I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
