Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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