I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
