I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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