You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
