we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
