My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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