I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
