Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
