I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
