yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
