she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and โwhat the hell is wrong with youโ
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