Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize