I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
