I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
