That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize