U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
