kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
