my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
