At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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