I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
