Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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