Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
