the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
