I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
