Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
40s are totally the cure
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
