why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
