I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize