woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
