It would be one hovered percent delicioui
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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