i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
