I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
