i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
