ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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