I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
