wrigley field is MILF paradise
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
