I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if only i could text you this smell
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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