So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
