What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
