I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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