I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
