i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
